talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
