new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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