I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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