well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
