this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
