someone owes me an orgasm
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Randomize
