so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
