One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
