my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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