I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
