Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
