Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
