It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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