my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
