I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
