Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
