i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
