Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
