I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
