her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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