I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
