how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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