And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
