Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
