I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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