You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
