Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
