I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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