So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
