how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize