i think my tv is drunk
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
