Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
