Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
