im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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