I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
