Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Are my feet made of real feet?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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