Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
