i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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