im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
