Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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