Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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