In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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