and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
