win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
