I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
