I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize