i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
