How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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