I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
