I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize