you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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