you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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