i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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