Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
