dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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