my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
