i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize