Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
