Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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