i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
