"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We were destined to go to rehab together
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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