Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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