I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
