i just wanna soil my oats bro
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
