clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
