His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
