he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
