i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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