I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
