I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize