I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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