worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
