I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
