Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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