dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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