So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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