I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
