I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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