I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
