I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize