You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
