Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
two words: eviction party
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
